I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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