The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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