I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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