Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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