i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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