you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize