The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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