dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize