actually, I'm a sock model
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wear drunk well.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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