it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Congratulations! We have a period
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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