my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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