i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize