You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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