Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need water and some morals
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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