i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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