I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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