chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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