He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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