I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize