Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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(914): this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again. http://tfl.nu/zwji

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(828): View more from North Carolina

proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.

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(828): proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing. http://tfl.nu/uzza

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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(423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178

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(513): View more from Ohio

CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....

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(513): CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now.... http://tfl.nu/m585

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(970): View more from Colorado

3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.

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(970): 3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4. http://tfl.nu/2tep

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!

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(321): right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!! http://tfl.nu/ghmc

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

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(778): Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird? http://tfl.nu/7neo

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(703): View more from Virginia

A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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(703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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(412): He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend http://tfl.nu/zd33

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(716): View more from New York

just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

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(716): just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that. http://tfl.nu/r8dq

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

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(+44): Hey, did you take me to hospital last night? http://tfl.nu/iu9j

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(813): View more from Florida

Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.

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(813): Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b. http://tfl.nu/ahce

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(251): View more from Alabama

Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!

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(251): Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again! http://tfl.nu/h5pv

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(406): View more from Montana

All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.

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(406): All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven. http://tfl.nu/uskg

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(614): View more from Ohio

finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night

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(614): finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night http://tfl.nu/xe5e

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