Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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