I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize