There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize