College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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