his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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