So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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