drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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