I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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