I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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