We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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