The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize