I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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