Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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