Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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