I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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