Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize