paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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