me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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