She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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