so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
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thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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