I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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