I faked an abortion last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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