better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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