Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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