I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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