I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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