The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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