I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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