Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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