she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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